so , last night was pretty good. I got all dressed up, which was nice, except the shoes my mom lent me cut my toe and made my foot bleed. Needless to say, I got some new shoes for $10 at journeys. Picked Zack up, which i was really worried about, because he wasn't exactly thrilled that I had cut my hair. But he liked it, and by the end of the night said he was starting to love it, so..that's good, right? I hope so. Met up with Jeska and Ross, and ate at Claim Jumper. =/ All we got for free was a stupid desert, but I guess that's better than nothing, too. Dinner was nice, and funny. I love Jeska. She makes me happy.The movie...was pretty lame. Yeah, I jumped a few times (things popped out!!), but overall the original korean version is much, much better. Don't waste $10 to go see the uninvited, rent A Tale of Two Sisters for $4 instead. <33 Thank you, Jeska, for letting me see it for free. Then Jeska and Ross went home, and Zack and I went window shopping (I got my new shoes then). Things were going pretty good, until we went into the Puma store and I saw the little baby shoes. Then we started talking about babies, and marriage, and... Okay, I'm not ready for either right this moment. I'm not, and I accept that. He wants to wait until he's 25 to get married and until he's 28 to have kids. That'd make me 26 and 29. I have age issues. I feel older than I am, and I know that I have my 'whole life' ahead of me, but I don't want to be the old mom. I don't want to be like my mom. I love my mom, but...I don't want to be like her. And I know that no matter what I won't be exactly like her... I want to get through law school (three years), and maybe a year after that to get settled in my job. So, I want to get married when I'm 23 or 24, maaaybe 25. And I want to have kids soon after that, because I don't want to be old. I know it's a stupid concept, but... I'm already the second oldest of my mom's daughters not to already've had a baby. My mom had my eldest sister when she was 17. Debbie had her first baby when she was 19. Stephanie had Alex when she was 19. Deanna had Nic when she was 27. I just.......I know I'm the first of my mom's kids to do a lot of things. I'm her first to go to university. I'm her first to at least plan on going to graduate school. I don't know. I just....I want to be happy. I should just stop worrying about it, and when the time is right, the time is right. I just don't want to have to wait and get old, and possibly still end up alone. Emmy Rossum's "Slow me down" explains exactly how I feel. I love Zack. He makes me laugh, and he's comfortable to be around. He tells me I'm pretty, and hugs me. I know that he's attracted to me, but it still hurts when he turns me down. I know I'm putting too much importance on sex, but...It's not the sex, it's the intimacy I'm after. I want to be closer to him. We've been dating for over five months, but I don't feel as close to him as I should be. I want to wake up next to him. Maybe I just need to take a deep breath and stop thinking about anything, at all. I need a day to just...not do anything, and not feel bad about it. I need a vacation.

Save all her ashes for me...

So, you know.

Being rejected hurts. Being told you're second rate, and if someone that the school you're interested in decides not to go, they might pick you hurts even more. Thanks for making me feel second rate, Michigan State.

You can suck my balls.

lkj trgd;filhbn dop;zijhsdop;ghbdf I HATE FUCKING CRYING. I HATE BEING A GIRL. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING (well, not everything. I just hate myself). The one time I need someone to hold me and tell me that I'm not second-rate, that I'm not a bargan bin person, there's no one really here. Not that it's anyone's fault; I just wish something that there'd be someone tangible, with me most of the time. I love you, Zack. I just wish sometimes that you could be with me all the time.

So, I had another weird dream last night. What is making me have weird dreams?

Well, anyway, I was like fifteen or sixteen (still in high school, and still going to vegas), and we had to go out to the wilderness behind this mall for a re-enactment of some play. My mom was chaparone, and my sister (stephanie) came too. We're all in costume and stuff, but stephanie and I have to go to the bathroom before we start, so we go inside...

...waiting outside the bathroom, I meet Perez Hilton and Paris Hilton. wtf. they were both super nice and whatnot, but they left before stephanie came out, and she didn't believe me when I told her.

Anyway, so we go back outside, and start the re-enactment.....And then, I don't know exactly what happened, but these crazy animals/humans came out of the woods and started attacking everyone. One of them grabbed my mom and ripped her throat out, and I just started screaming and snotting and crying and I attacked it and somehow managed to kill it. I looked around and couldn't find ANYONE else. So I ran back into the mall, and found stephanie sitting on the floor in the food court. I asked her if she was okay, and she was all "why not? Nothing's wrong?" and I told her that everyone else was dead she didn't believe me. So I went running through the mall trying to find SOMEONE who would believe me, and I found Perez and Paris again and was like "ZOMG DO YOU REMEMBER ME?!?!" and Paris was like "oh yeah, why are you covered in blood?" And I told them, and they didn't believe me either.

Finally I managed to find a cop, and he was staring at a TV screen, and on the news it said "MASS HOMICIDE OUTSIDE LOCAL MALL" and there were pictures of everyone, my mom, my friends, all the corpses, all over. I told him to come with me, we have to find them, and he did, but we got lost finding the doors that led out to the arboretum, and when we finally got out there...

My dream changed and it was a series of canals and waterways, and I was a member of this hostile species, but I wanted to be friends with the humans and kdjksdgj it completely changed. I don't remember everything from that part, but...

=/. Yeah. It was super crazy.

I don't want to clean, but I have to. At least I get to see Zack tonight. <33 I love my Zack, very much.

o.o;;;

So, I just got an admission/ $7,000 scholarship offer from Florida Coastal Law School. Huh. I don't even know if they're a good school. I should do some research. It was just odd, because their dean of admissions e-mailed me and offered me the scholarship and admission, and was even willing to waive the application fee. o.o;;;;;

And the list goes on and on

So, like, I had the weirdest dream ever.

I was at work, at chili's, and like, we never closed. Tyler was having a mental breakdown about having to fire somebody, and people kept coming in, and I kept turning tables. At the end I had two parties of seven and a party of seventeen. One of the parties of seven was Adrian and his friends.

It was then I realized that I don't really care about him anymore. It was awkward because /he/ made it awkward. I just ignored him. Heheheh.But yeah, it was like 5 in the morning when Joey came in a finally let me close the doors. Just too weird.

Sweety, you have me.

Let me start off by saying that last night was one of the best nights of my life. Yeah, work was kinda eech, but it always is. But Zack...mmm. No juicey details, but he's probably the best man I've ever dated, in more than one way -wink-. I'm seriously in love with him, and it's great.

I never thought that I'd be able to feel this way about someone ever again. And while in my heart I want to stay here with him forever, I know that I have to leave for law school. I have to. But I'm willing to try and make it work, no matter what, because there is something there. There is. I might not be willing to go off and elope tomorrow, but I could see myself spending every day for the rest of my life with him and being happy. That's all that matters, the fact that I'm happy.

I'd also like to mention that Adam and Kelsey are probably the best friends I have, and every time we're together it's a party. Even if we're just bowling, or sitting at fridays being dicks to the waiter. (oh adam..) xD Yes. Good times were had by all. By and large last night was a riotous success. I love my life at this moment.

For the record I wanted to say that I severely dislike earling morning meetings. =/. Not cool Chili's, not cool.

I need to do laundry.